i TRYED 2 FND MI MOM BUT I MET A HAWT REPORTER
by Anonymous Person 7
Summary: FOLKLORE FANFICTION - IS IT YOU MOTHER? I WANTED SO VERY MUCH TO SEE YOU. IT WAS SO HARD. - parody, implied PubOwner/Ellen
1. MY MOTHER FELL FROM THE CLIFF?

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**Hey, there, whorewolves. For those of you who haven't played Folklore, what the hell are you doing here? Go play it. Right now. Okay, so we were like legitly bored one day and decided 'hey, let's make a Folklore parody and be awesome so you will all love us EVEN MORE' but not really we were just bored. We really love this game a lot. AND FYI KEATS AND ELLEN ARE IN THEIR CHRISTMAS OUTFITS so don't get confused, bitches.**

**DISCLAIMER:**

**We don't own Folklore or any of the characters  
**

Regular text - Ellen  
**Bold text - **Keats  
Underlined text - Scarecrow  
_Italic text _- Suzette  
_Italic underlined text_ - Suzette's mom (Regine)  
**Bold underlined text** - Pub people

**And thats all we have so far. We'll let you know the fonts of other characters as they come in.**

**Also underlines mean change of scene**

**PLZ PLZ NO FLAMZ**

* * *

MY MOTHER FELL FROM THE CLIFF? I NEED TO HURRY TO THE BEACH.

**SHES DEAD BITCH. **

* * *

MOTHER.. POOR MOTHER…

MOTHER.. SAY SOMETHING..

_SHES DEAD BITCH_

_WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?_

I CANT FIND HER

_THE FUCK.._

SHE FELL FROM THE CLIFF

WE NEED TO FIND HER SOON

_WHAT YOUR MOM? THAT CLIFF. GOD LUCK BITCH. SHES GONE NOW_

FAINTS.

_SHE DEFINITELY NEEDS A DNA TEST_

* * *

WHERE AM I? WHO BROUGHT ME HERE?

MOTHER.. I THOUGHT I FINALLY FOUND YOU

BUT INSTEAD I FOUND A BITCH IN A RED JACKET

IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME. A GLIMPSE OF HOPE THAT QICKLY FADES.. INTO A BITCH

… MOTHER WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

…ELLEN. YOU WERE VWEE HEE HEED BY KEATS

I WAS WHAT?

SAVED. YOU ARE NOT ALONE

WHO ARE YOU?

PERHAPS YOU CAN VWEE HEE HEE YOUR MOTHER

WHAT?!?!?!

SORRY SORRY SORRY. I JUST DO THAT SOMETIMES. I MEANT FIND

COME TO THE PUB. WE HAVE VWEE HEE ON THE BEACH

WHAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?

I MEANT TO SAY SEX

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

IT'S A DRINK. JUST COME.

* * *

OPEN SO LATE?

**WHOS THE NEW FACE?**

**JUST A YOUNG GIRL.**

**WELL I'M AMAZED YOU MADE IT HERE**

**YOU'VE COME TO MEET THE DEAD**

**HOW NICE OF YOU.**

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD A FAERY… OR GHOST.

**EXCUSE ME.**

WHAT ARE YOU?

**WE ARE HALF-LIVES. CALL ME KELLAN LUTZ.**

**BOO HOO.. YOUR MOTHER DITCHED YOU DIDN'T SHE? GET OVER IT. ITS CALLED AN ACCIDENT OK. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS?**

WHAT?

**YOU. MY NAME IS FREAKAY**

IS THIS SOME FUCKED UP TRIP?

**HO HO HO GOING TO THE NETHERWORLD? I'M DIRTAY. IT IS TRUE THAT YOU CAN MEET THE DEAD.**

WHAT? SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY? OH MY GOD YOUR DEAD ARNT YOU? OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD

**YOU'LL BE THE NEXT TO DON THE TEE HEE THEN.**

WHAT?

**THE CLOAK. YOU CAN OPEN THE DOOR TO THE NETHERWORLD**

CLOAK? NETHERWORLD?

**THE NETHERWORLD IS THE LAND OF THE DEAD.**

FUCK.

**SCARECROW IS OUTSIDE. HE'LL SHOW YOU THE WAY. NYA HA HE HAS WASTED YEARS WAITING FOR YOU. BITCH**

* * *

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

I'M SCARECROW.

WHO?

VWEE HEE HEE. YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR MOTHER HMM? THEN YOU SHOULD GO TO THE NETHERWORLD

* * *

VWEE HHE GLAD YOU MADE IT. SHALL WE GO SEE YOUR MOTHER?

YOU'LL TAKE ME TOO HER?

I'LL DO MORE THAN TAKE YOU TO HER. I'LL VWEE HEE HEE HER.

WHAT?

FUCK HER. WITH PLEASURE. I HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR WOMEN. LITERALLY. OR SHOULD I SAY, HARD SPOT.

OH OK.

TODAY IS SPECIAL AS ITS SAMHAIN. IT'S A PRAYER DAY FOR THE VWEE HEE HEE.

THE WHAT?

DEAD. WE CAN GO VWEE HEE HEE.

WAIT GO WHAT?

BENEATH THE HENGE. GO THERE TO GET VWEE HEE HEE CLOTHES.

MY CLOTHES?

YEAH.

WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES?

STRIPPER CLOTHES. I ALSO HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR WOMEN IN MOURNING.

OH OK. WILL I BE ABLE TO SEE MY MOTHER THEN?

UH YEAH SURE. BUT YOU MUST PERFORM THE ANCIENT RITUAL DONNING THE CLOAK OF SHIT.

DON'T YOU MEAN SIDHE?

NO I MEANT SHIT. THE ANCIENTS HAD VWEE HEE HEE ON THIS MANTLE.

WHAT?

SEX.

WHAT?!?!

I-I MEANT RITUALS. 

OH OK.

..of sex.

WHAT?

NOTHING.

THERES AN ANCIENT CLOAK IN THIS CHAMBER. USED FOR NETHERWORLD BATTLES

ANCIENT PRIESTESSES USING THE CLOAK COULD HEAR THE VOICES OF THE DEAD EVERY NIGHT. YOU HAVE THE POWERS TO DON THE CLOAK. BECAUSE FOR YOU VWEE HEE HEE IS A VERY FAMILIAR MATTER.

WHAT IS?

Sex..

WHAT?

I SAID DEATH.

OH OK YEAH IT IS.

I CAN JUST TELL… you whore.

WHAT?

THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT YOU HERE. OVER TIME, YOU HAVE LOST MANY THINGS. EXCEPT FOR ONE THING..

WHATS THAT?

YOUR VIRGINITY

EXCUSE ME?

YEAH YOU'RE GONNA LOSE IT TONIGHT

TO WHO?

THE PUB OWNER

WHO?

THE PUB OWNER

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PUB OWNER?

I MEAN THE FUCKING PUB OWNER

WHATS HES GONNA DO TO ME?

HES GONNA FUCK YOU SO HARD THE SHEETS WILL RIP. SO.. CAN WE SEARCH TOGETHER?

MY ONLY MEMORIES OF MY MOTHER ARE OF HER READING A PICTURE BOOK TO ME AND THE PENDENT SHE GAVE ME AS A CHARM

YES YES. PERHAPS YOU'VE BLOCKED OUT THE PAINFUL MEMORIES. ITS OK FOR NOW. Until the pub owner comes..

* * *

WHAT IS THIS PLACE? I FEEL LIKE I'M ON A DRUG TRIP. AND WHAT AM I WEARING?

A PARKA.

…BUT ITS JULY

THERES NO TIME TO STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES BITCH. YOU'LL BE DRIVEN OUT OF THE NETHERWORLD AT DAWN. THE QUESTION IS, WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING THEN?

I'LL BE SELLING MYSELF TO THE PUB OWNER

OH WELL THEN. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD SAY FIND YOUR MOTHER BUT OK. THE ACTUAL QUESTION IS WILL YOU BE ABLE TO FIND YOUR MOTHER MY THEN VWEE HEE. OH YA. BEWARE OF THE FOLKS.. AND PUB OWNER. HES A DIRTY MAN.

GOOD LUCK.

* * *

HEY THERE. DO YOU LIKE MY BOOTS? OH WAIT I MEAN I'M LOOKING FOR MY MOTHER.

OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

BE CAREFUL ELLEN. WIPES OUT ENEMIES

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

IT'S THE ENERGY FROM THEIR SOULS. THEIR IDS

ELLEN HOLD OUT YOUR VWEE HEE HEE.

MY WHAT?

HAND. NOW HURRY!

PUTS OUT HAND. WHAT THE FUCK IS IT DOING?

YOU GO GIRL

THE CLOAK IS ABSORBING SOMETHING. WHAT THE FUCK

YOU USE IT TO FIGHT BITCH

BUT HOW?

THE CLOAK WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY.

* * *

THERES SOMETHING AHEAD I THINK ITS YOUR MOTHER. BUT IT MAY BE SOME OTHER BITCH. HURRY ELLEN. THERES NOT MUCH TIME.

MOTHER. I WAS SO LONELY. I WAS SO GLAD I FINALLY FOUND YOU. MOTHER? PLEASE MOTHER LOOK THIS WAY

_17 YEARS AGO. I WILL NEVER FORGET. THE NIGHT OF SAMHAIN. ITS YOUR FAULT!_

Definitely another bitch..

_WHY YOU POSSESED BITCH. I'LL KILL YOU!_

AIEEKKK

* * *

VWEE HEE HEE THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE. SAMHAIN HAD ENDED THIS IS THE REAL WORLD.

THAT WASN'T MOTHER AFTER ALL WAS IT?

NO IT WAS ANOTHER BITCH. NOW THAT WOMEN TRIED TO TRICK YOU

SHE SAID I WAS POSSESED… 17 YEARS AGO? SAMHAIN? REVENGE? SEX? KEATS? REVENGE????

VWEE HEE HEE TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE PAST. LISTEN TO THE VOICES OF THE DEAD

HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT?

Find a MEMENTO of the dead and offer it at the HENGE. THIS WILL OPEN THE DOOR TO THE NETHERWORLD. UH-OH MORNINGS ALMOST HERE. SEE YOU AFTER DUSK ELLEN


	2. SO SHES RUN OFF TO THE BEACH

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Well here is chapter 2 even though you whores gave us no reviews. We like reviews. We are review whores. Even funnier than the last one. ****Don't take this seriously. ****Take this game seriously though. ****Treat it like a small child**

**DISCLAIMER:**

**We don't own Folklore or any of the characters**

**Bold - **Keats  
_Italic underlined _- Suzette's mom (Regine)  
Underlined - Belgae  
**Bold underlined** - Pub people

**

* * *

SO SHES RUN OFF TO THE BEACH. LOOKS LIKE WE'LL BE MEETING A CORPSE. THE QUESTION IS WHO COULD HAVE KILLED HER AND WHY?**

_OH MY FUCK. WHAT THE.._

**WALKS IN. SO THERE IS LIFE DOWN HERE. **

_WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?_

**A WOMEN CALLED ME AT MY MAGAZINE. WHEN I THOUGHT I'D FOUND THE BITCH, SHE FELL FROM THE CLIFF, AND THEN THIS OTHER BITCH WENT INTO SHOCK. **

_WITH HER?_

**SHE WENT INTO SHOCK. SHES DOWN FOR THE COUNT DAMNFUCKIT. (A/N. ONE WORD. GOOGLE THAT SHIT) WHAT SHOULD WE DO?**

_GIVE HER A DNA TEST?_

**WHATS THAT STAND FOR? RAPE?**

_NO. DRUGS AND ALCOHOL._

**I THINK RAPE WORKS BETTER.**

_WHATEVER. I KNOW A PLACE YOU CAN STAY_

**

* * *

**

**WHAT A DUMP. HARDLY FIT FOR A DOG. AT LEAST SHE HAS A BED. I HAVE TO SLEEP ON A FUCKING COUCH.**

**UGH MY BODY ACHES. MY QUESTIONS CAN WAIT TILL TOMORROW**

WANT TO KNOW MORE? SEEK THE PUB. THE PEOPLE THERE ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD

**DOT DOT DOT. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? AM I HALLUCINATING. MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE NOT TAKEN THOSE DRUGS SUZETTE GAVE ME. WELL ANY LEAD IS BETTER THAN NO LEAD. TIME TO INVESTIGATE.**

**

* * *

**

**ANOTHER VISITOR. GREAT  
**

**WHO THE FUCK IS IT?**

**A GENTLEMAN**

**OH MUCH THAN THAT BITCH**

**FROM THE MAGAZINE. SOMEONE PHONED HIM.**

**A OCCULT MAGAZINE? NONSENSE**

**YOU SPEAK LUCIDLY FOR FIGMENTS OF IMAGINATION. THIS IS CRAZY TRIPPY. I WONDER WHAT THOSE DRUGS WERE... (KEATS)  
**

**NYA HA. SORRY BITCH THIS IS REAL. WE'RE HERE TO HELP YOU DETERMINE YOUR COURSE.**

**GO TO THE NETHERWORLD AND SPEAK WITH THE DEAD. YOUR GUIDE AWAITS YOU (A/N. SORRY ISNT WORKING HERE SO ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE FROM THE PUB EXCEPT FOR KEAT'S ONE LINE)  
**

* * *

GOOD EVENING

**WHAT THE FUCK. IT'S A MAN WITH NO FACE.**

WELL YOUR FACE ISNT VERY NICE EITHER.

**YEAH IT IS. I'M SMOKIN'**

Yeah it sorta is.. ANYWAYS. MY APOLOGIES.

**YOU'RE NOT SORRY**

NO I'M NOT. JUST FOLLOW ME.

**WELL YOUR CERTAINLY GENTLE AS FAR AS SPIRITS GO (CAN YOU DETECT THE SARCASM?)**

EVEN INVISIBLE MEN CAN EXPRESS THEMSELVES BITCH.

**YEAH AND ABOUT THAT GET-UP. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? A FANCY-BALL?**

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? A CHRISTMAS PARTY?

**TOUCHÉ**

WAS THE AFTERNOON MYSTERY SOLVED?

**NO BITCH, I'VE GOT NO CLUES.**

MAY I SUGGEST AN INTERVIEW WITH THE DECEASED? I AM BELGAE AND I CAN INSTRUCT YOU ON MAKING CONTACT.

**TO WHAT????**

THE DEAD.

**OH.**

WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING? WOMEN?

**YEAHHH SORTA.**

WELL JUST SO YOU KNOW I'M BISEXUAL.

**WHAT?**

DON'T WORRY I WONT RAPE YOU.

**OH OK.**

YEAH ALL HALF-LIVES ARE BISEXUAL. ITS CAUSE WE'RE HALF STRAIGHT.

**WHAT?**

Yeah we're all only HALF straight cause we're only HALF-lives.

**OK..**

I SENSE YOU ARE A BITCH OF DEEP CURIOSITY.

**WHATS THAT SUPPOST TO MEAN?**

YOU SHALL SEE..

ACCOMPANY ME TO THE SOUTH HENGE WHERE WE SHALL TRY AN EXPERIMENT. YOU SHALL BE PLEASED BY THE RESULTS

**I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO RAPE ME**

JUST COME.

* * *

WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU. THIS WAY BITCH

**THE OVAL HENGE.. A MYSTERIOUS MEGALITH MONUMENT CREATED BY THE ANCIENTS. WHAT DOES ALL THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MEETING THE DEAD?**

I'VE NO TIME TO EXPLAIN NOW, SIR BITCH. WE MUST CATCH UP WITH HER

**HER? WHO THE FUCK ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?**

**

* * *

THERES SOMETHING DOWN THERE, I CAN HEAR THEM TALKING.**

IT'S THE BITCH FROM THE CLIFF, SIR.

**SHE BELIEVES THE LEGEND THAT YOU CAN MEET THE DEAD?**

THOSE LEGENDS ARE NOT JUST THE DELUSIONS OF THE ANCIENTS. THEY ARE TRUTHS THAT THEY HAVE BEQUEATHED TO US. TONIGHT, THAT GIRL GETS RAPED BY THE PUB OWNER

**WHAT?**

I MEAN SHE BECOMES THE LONG-AWAITER MESSENGER BETWEEN THE REAL WORLD AND NETHERWORLD

**THE NETHERWORLD.. YOU MEAN THE LAND OF THE DEAD? WELL, THIS SHOULD MAKE THE FRONT PAGE. SO INVISIBITCH, I SUPPOSE YOU BROUGHT ME HERE SO THAT I CAN WIN MY PULITZER?**

UH NO. WE'RE HERE SO YOU TOO CAN AQUIRE THAT POWER.

**ALL I WANT IS A GOOD STORY. **

NO YOU DON'T. ONE CANNOT SURVIVE IN THE NETHERWORLD WITHOUT GAINING A CERTAIN POWER.

**HMPH, YEAH, FOR A STORY LIKE THIS I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES**

THE GIRL WILL OBTAIN A PARKA IN ORDER TO PASS THROUGH THE NETHERWORLD. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS BE NEAR HER WHEN SHE DOES. WHEN A NEW MESSENGER IS CHOSEN GUARDIANS ARE ALSO CHOSEN. THAT IS CERTAIN TO BE YOU. IF ITS NOT. THEN YOUR FUCKED.

**WELL THIS IS INERESTING. WHATS HAPPENING TO THAT GIRL?**

**(A/N: KEATS TURNS INTO A MONSTER FREAK AND THERE ARE SOME WITTY LINES IN HERE BUT WE GOT TOO LAZY TO WRITE IT DOWN. GO YOUTUBE THAT SHIT)**

**

* * *

WHATS THIS?**

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? IT'S A DRUG TRIP.

**SERIOUSLY?**

NO IT'S THE NETHERWORLD.

**OH.**

ANYWAYS THIS IS THE FAERY REALM.

**I KNOW THIS CANT BE A DREAM BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THIS GOOD OF AN IMAGINATION WHEN I'M HIGH.**

THIS IS AN AFTERWORLD IMAGINED BY THE ANCIENTS, ITS JUST ONE OF MANY REALMS. THE WOMEN YOU SAW ON THE CLIFF IS JUST A LITTLE FURTHER ON

**I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I'D FIND MYSELF CHATTING WITH THE DEAD**

PLEASE HURRY, THE DOOR WILL REMAIN OPEN FOR THIS NIGHT ONLY

**WHAT HAPPENS THEN?**

YOU WILL BE KICKED OUT OF THIS BITCH. OH AND BE CAREFUL OF FOLKS. THEY BITE. RAWR.

**FORKS?**

NO FOLKS YOU FUCKHEAD. THEY WERE ONCE HUMAN SOULS BUT ARE… AGGRESSIVE NOW. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

**ARE THEY GONNA RAPE ME?**

IF THEY GET THE CHANCE..

**WHOA. OK THEN**

**

* * *

WELL STRAIGHT OUT OF A TRIPPY DREAM. YIKES. **

YOU OK BITCH?

**YOU..**

**WHAT THE FUCK?**

IT'S THE ENERGY OF THEIR SOULS OR THEIR IDS. HOLD OUT YOUR HAND. QUICKLY

**THE FUCK IS IT DOING?**

THAT'S IT..

**ABSORBS TWO FOLK AT ONCE (NOW THAT IS THE SKILLZ THAT KILLZ – GO WATCH DODGEBALL)**

**A SURGE OF ENERGY. HOLY SHIT**

REMEMBER THAT FEELING. I WILL NOT ALWAYS BE HERE 

**THIS PLACE IS A FUCKING ZOO WHAT WERE THOSE THINGS?**

THEY ARE FOLKS. A DEVOLVED FORM OF THE SOULS OF THE DEAD. YOU ARE BLESSED WITH THE ABILITY TO ABSORB THEIR IDS

**I'M JEWISH. **

THEN WHY ARE YOU WEARING A FUCKING CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?

**MY GRANDMA KNITTED IT FOR ME.**

ANYWAYS. AN INQUISITIVE MAN YOURSELF, YOU MUST BE HAPPY TO JUMP INTO ACTION.

**I'M JUST A REPORTER**

DON'T BE AFRAID. YOUR INSTINCTS KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO

* * *

IS THAT THE GIRL YOU MET ON THE CLIFF AND THE DEAD CHICK?

**PROBS**

WE DON'T HAVE MUCH MORE TIME. THE HOUR OF SAMHAIN DRAWS TO A CLOSE

**HMM ISNT THAT…. YES. ITS THAT BITCH AT THE CLIFF. WHICH MEANS THAT MUST BE THE DEAD CHICK. **

WHY NOT GO AND ASK HER YOURSELF?

**I'M A FUCKING REPORTER. I ONLY WATCH THINGS HAPPEN. **

**OBSERVES SCENE**

**STRANGE.. THIS SHOULD BE AN EXPLOSION OF EMOTION.**

(INSERT ELLEN BIT CAUSE ITS EXACTLY THE SAME)

THE GIRL HAS USED UP HER TIME THAT WAS ALLOTTED TO HER. YOU, TOO HAVE BUT LITTLE TIME LEFT. PLEASE TALK TO THE DEAD WHO WERE LEFT BEHIND

**WHAT THE HELL? I'M TIMED? WELL THIS SUCKS**

**SO SHE CAME HERE. THINKING THAT SHE WOULD MEET HER MOTHER?**

_WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?_

**I'M JUST A REPORTER. ARNT YOU THE ONE WHO CALLED ME?**

_CALLED YOU? I DIDN'T CALL ANYONE, YOU MUST BE THINKING OF SOMEONE ELSE.._

**OH COME ON…. WHO THE FUCK CALLED ME?**

**SO THAT'S NOT YOUR DAUGHTER?**

_IT CERTAINLY ISNT. I WAS UNABLE TO SETTLE THE SCORE FROM 17 YEARS AGO_

**YOU CALLED THAT GIRL IN THE HOPES OF DOING SO, BUT ONLY GOT YOURSELF KILLED**

_KILLED..! I…. I REMEMBER NOW. MY… MY FAMILY! I COULDN'T BEAR TO LOSE ANY MORE OF MY FAMILY. MY DAUGHTER IS IN THE VILLAGE. SHE'LL BE KILLED TOO. PLEASE TELL HER TO LEAVE THIS FUCKED UP VILLAGE!_

**YOUR REAL DAUGHTER? HMM.. I DON'T KNOW.. I'M NOT VERY TRUSTING OF DEAD PEOPLE, MYSELF!**

_THERES A PHOTO HIDDEN IN A CERAMIC DOLL IN THAT ROOM. SHOW IT TO HER. MY DAUGHTERS NAME IS SUZETTE._

**ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'LL DO IT. BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO TELL ME SOMETHING… JUST WHAT HAPPENED 17 YEARS AGO? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? AND WHO KILLED YOU?**

_MORE LIKE 3 FUCKING QUESTIONS. BUT TIMES UP BITCH. YOU'VE ALREADY HAD YOUR 4 MINUTES_

**

* * *

WAS THAT A DREAM? OR NOT. THIS IS WHAT YOU MEANT BY TIME LIMIT, EH? BUT NOTHING WAS SOLVED. WHY WAS THE WOMAN ON THE CLIFF MURDERED? WHO CALLED ME AT THE OFFICE?**

TO FIND THE ANSWERS… MEET THE MURDERED CHICK AGAIN. Find a MEMENTO of the dead. And enter it at the HENGE AT NIGHT. IF THE DEAD LISTEN THE DOOR WILL OPEN

**WAIT. I MUST KNOW MORE. DAMNFUCKIT  
**

* * *


	3. WHO WAS WAITING AT THE CLIFF?

**hey sexy bitches what's up I'm sick my co-writer said not to make this retarded but she can go read about redheadbandsexymachinevincentvalentine yum  
****um ****hi  
****we're hifuckinglarious  
uuuuummmmmmmmmmm keats is hot  
sexy beast de sexy DE WHAT???? haha FUCK MY LIFE co-writer says stop wiring  
bye bitches**

Normal text - Ellen  
**Bold text - Keats  
**_Italic text - Suzette  
_**_Bold/italic/underlined text - Random Club Penguin user_**WHO THE FUCK WAS WAITING AT THE CLIFF?

* * *

AND WHATS UP WITH MY PAST

MAYBE I'LL FIND MY PAST IN THIS BITCHY PLACE

* * *

WHAT THE FUCK? WE MET ON THE CLIFF

**I'M A HAWT REPORTER. I WORK FOR A MAGAZINE DE PORN.**

DE WHAT?

**DE PARANORMAL. **

I'M ELLEN. I HAVE THE HOTS FOR YOU

**I HAVE THE HOTS FOR ME TOO. I MEAN LOOK AT THIS HAIR. SEXAY**

**THAT BITCH WAS NOT YOUR MOM AFTER ALL. FORTUNATE NEWS, DESPITE MISFORTUNATE CIRCUMSICIONS (SP?)**

DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT.

**I SAID CIRCUMSTANCES BITCH. GET A HEARING AID.**

DID YOU KNOW THAT WOMAN?

**SHE PHONED ME FOR HELP. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY.. MAYBE SHE HAS THE HOTS FOR ME TOO**

A LETTER ASKED ME HERE. PERHAPS IT WAS HERS.

**THE WOMANS DAUGHTER MIGHT KNOW THE TRUTH. SHE LIVES NEARBY. HER NAME IS SUZETTE. BUT BE WARNED… SHE THINKS SHES BLACK.**

OH CRAP. I THINK I'M ASIAN.

**MAYBE YOU CAN HAVE ASIAN BLACK BABIES. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE ONE OF THOSE.**

SURE. I'LL GO SELL MYSELF TO HER LIKE I DID TO THE PUB OWNER.

**BELGAE WAS RIGHT**

YEAH. BELIEVE IT OR NOT.. HES PRETTY GOOD. SHE CAN BE MY REBOUND GIRL.

**ARE YOU A HALF-LIFE?**

NO. WHY?

**OH-OH NO REASON..**

ANYWAYS. THIS WILL GET DIZZYING.

**ITS LIKELY THAT THE BITCH WAS MURDERED. OUTSIDERS WILL BE THE PRIME SUSPECTS. THIS IS A SMALL, CLOSE-KNIT VILLAGE**

YOU MEAN, US?

**YOU WERE THE ONLY OTHER PERSON ON THE CLIFF.**

WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN?

**WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I MEAN?**

OH RIGHT SORRY. I WAS THE ONLY OTHER PERSON ON THE CLIFF. DOES THAT MEAN ONE OF US DID IT?

**YEP. YEAH IT DOES**

OH. I THINK IT WAS YOU

**NO IT WASN'T**

OH CRAP THEN ITS ME WASN'T IT? OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD I'M A MURDERER. I FUCKING KILLED SOMEONE

**JOKES. GUFFAWS. I'M JUST TRYING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS. **

I ONLY WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MY PAST

**LETS HOPE YOUR PAST ISNT FUCKED UP.**

* * *

LETS GO SEE SUZETTE. WHAT CAN SHE BE LIKE? I'D LIKE TO ASK HER SOME QUESTIONS. MAYBE SHE'LL REVEAL SOMETHING OTHER THAN HER CLEAVAGE.

_LOTS OF VISITORS TODAY._

KEATS TOLD ME ABOUT YOU…

_DID HE SAY I WAS GOOD?_

WHAT? WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT?

_OH. HE HASN'T TOLD YOU YET HAS HE? WELL YOU KNOW. YOU WERE KNOCKED OUT._

DON'T…

_YOU KNOW SUNSET.. BEACH.._

STOP IT.

_MY DEAD MOM IN THE WATER.. IT WAS VERY ROMANTIC_

SHUT THE FUCK UP. YEAH. I WAS WITH KEATS WHEN WE SAW YOUR BITCH FALL FROM THE CLIFF.

_SO YOU DID SEE HER FALL?_

THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID. YES I DID. I'M SO SORRY.

_OH SURE._

WHEN I GOT THERE IT WAS FAR TOO LATE

_ITS NO SURPRISE_

HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING?

_SHE DIDN'T HAVE HER HEAD ON STRAIGHT. I FOLLOWED HER HERE. SHE HAD IT COMING, TO SEE WHAT SHE WAS GOING TO DO. WHY DID SHE ASK YOU HERE?_

I WANT TO KNOW THAT. DID YOUR MOTHER MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT ME?

_NOT TO ME._

17 YEARS AGO. I WAS 5 YEARS OLD. BUT I REMEMBER NO SHIT FROM THAT TIME. YOUR MOTHER IS THE ONLY CLUE I HAVE!

DO YOU HAVE A FAMILY? A FATHER?

_FATHER?? I AINT GOT NO FATHER. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. YOU DON'T KNOW MY FAMILY!_

_MY MOTHER… THERE WERE DAYS WHEN SHE WAS TOTALLY CONVINCED I WAS MY DEAD OLDER BROTHER… SHE'D CALL BE MY HIS NAME. AND FORBID ME FROM GOING OUTSIDE, SAYING I'D GET KILLED. SHE THOUGHT I WAS A DUDE. IT HURT ME DEEP MAN. I MEAN MY HAIR IS SHORT… BUT I DO HAVE SOMETHING GOING ON DOWN THERE._

NO YOU DON'T. YOU'RE COMPLETELY FLAT. WHAT ARE YOU? LIKE 32 A?

_MY MOTHER JUST DIED OK? AT LEAST PRETEND FOR ME._

OH SORRY. MS. DOUBLE D. CONTINUE.

_SOMETIMES I'D BE TRAPPED IN THE HOUSE FOR MONTHS… OTHER DAYS, SHE'D REALIZE I WASN'T HIM… AND SHE'D START SAYING I KILLED HIM, AND BEAT ME, SOMETIMES IF I WAS LUCKY SHE WOULD ONLY RAPE ME THOUGH… _

WHAT MADE HER THAT WAY?

_WHAT BI-SEXUAL?_

NO UMM THE CRAZY PART.

_OH. ON SAMHAIN 17 YEARS AGO, MY FATHER FELL OVER THE CLIFF AND DIED. THAT SAME DAY, MY MOTHER SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED FROM THE VILLAGE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?_

THINK….? I IMAGINE SHE MUST HAVE BEEN IN SHOCK… TO LEAVE LIKE THAT, WITHOUT EVEN HAVING A FUNERAL…

_WELL THAT'S SWEET. BUT MOST BITCHES WOULD THINK… THAT SHE PUSHED THE BITCH OVER THE CLIFF, AND THEN BOOKED IT TO CANADA._

WHY WOULD SHE GO TO CANADA?

_THEY INVENTED TRIVIAL PURSUIT YOU KNOW_

THAT GAME IS WORSE THAN MONOPOLY

_THEY CAN ORDER BEER AT STRIP CLUBS_

REALLY? THAT'S LIKE UNHEARD OF.

_YEAH I KNOW RIGHT. LUCKY BITCHES_

MAYBE WE SHOULD GO SOME TIME.

_YEAH I ALREADY TALKED IT OVER WITH KEATS_

OH COOL. UMM CONTINUE ON

_RIGHT. SOME VILLAGERS SAY THEY HEARD YELLING AND SCREAMING COMING FROM THIS HOUSE, TOO_

WHY WOULD SHE MURDER HIM?

_MY GUESS IS BECAUSE MAYBE HE WAS DOING SEXAY THINGS WITH MY BROTHER FROM THE SAME MOTHER. THAT FITS DON'T YOU THINK?_

NOT REALLY NO.

_ITS ALL JUST SPECULATION AND NOW THAT MY BITCH IS GONE, ONLY DEAD PEOPLE KNOW THE ANSWERS. I NEVER FUCK A DEAD PERSON. SO I WOULDN'T BE FINDING OUT ANYTIME SOON_

HOW CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT OF YOUR OWN PARENTS?

_I SAW HER WITH THE PUB OWNER TRYING TO MAKE MY NEW BROTHER_

OH GOD. WHAT IF HE KNOCKED ME UP

_DON'T WORRY. HE'S STERILE._

GOOD TO KNOW.

_BUT STILL, YOU WOULD TOO IF YOU'D HAD SEEN WHAT THEY WERE DOING. NOW I'M CURIOUS, TOO. WHAT CONNECTION COULD YOU HAVE HAD TO MY POSSE_

INCIDENTALLY… DO YOU HAVE A MEMENTO OF YOUR POPSICLE?

_HMPH. A SUPER SLEUTH, EH?_

YOU MIGHT NOT BELIEVE IT, BUT I NEED IT TO MEET THE DEAD.

_WHAT ARE YOU, A WHORE?_

WHAT?

_FUCKING DEAD PEOPLE NOW._

WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FIND MY MOM.

_ANYWAY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS KEY? THEY SAY MY FATHER WAS HOLDING IT WHEN HE DIED. I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY GOT IT OFF HIM_

WHOS THEY?

_I DON'T REALLY KNOW…_

TAKES MEMENTO KEY. THANKS.

WILL OFFERING THIS KEY AT THE HENGE ALLOW ME TO MEET SUZETTES POSSE LEADER IN THE NETHERWORLD? GUESS I'LL HAVE TO WAIT TILL NIGHT TIME TO FIND OUT…. UNTIL THEN LETS GO SEARCHING THE WEB

* * *

HEY KEATS CAN I USE YOUR COMPUTER?

**NO BITCH**

WHAT WHY?

**PLAYING CLUB PENGUIN**

OH COOL I HAVE THAT

ONE SEC I'LL JUST GO GRAB MY LAPTOP

GRABS LAPTOP

**THEN WHY DID YOU WANT TO BORROW MINE?**

IT SMELLS LIKE YOU

**DOES MY SMELL TURN YOU ON?**

HELLS YA

**IT'S FROM ABERCROMBIE**

**SO IS MY COAT**

SEXY

**OK ANYWAY WHAT IS YOUR C-PENGY NAME??**

i_miss_my_mum

**THAT'S GAY**

I'M A GIRL

**OH SORRY**

**THAT'S LESBIAN **

**LIKE HOPE AND JOY**

WHAT?

**NADA**

**ANYWAYS I'M hawt_reporter**

OH COOL ADD ME AS A FRIEND PLZ PLZ

**fuck no..**

KEATTTSSSS

**JOOKESS!!!**

OK COOL WHERE SHOULD WE GO??

**THE PIZZA PARLOR LETS GET JOBS**

COOL I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A WAITER

**LETS BOOK IT**

SLOWLY

**FUCK NO **

* * *

**LETS SNAG US A SEAT. **

NICE SNAG.

**GET OVER HERE WAITOR BITCH**

_HI. I'M bitch_in_red_jacket. CAN I HELP YOU?_

**DO I KNOW YOU?**

_KEATS? _

**OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IS THERE A HIT ON ME**

_I'M NOT HITTING ON YOU_

_IT'S SUZETTE BITCH_

**WHO?**

_SUZETTE_

**DOESN'T RING ANY BELLS SORRY**

_OUCH BITCH, REALLY? WE FUCKED ON THE BEACH_

**OH I THOUGHT THAT WAS HALLE BERRY **

_NO IT WAS ME_

**YEAH OK.. MAYBE IT WAS MADONNA… OR JESUS… **

_NO IT WAS ME BITCH _

**OH WELL YOU WEREN'T VERY GOOD**

**GOOD TO KNOW IT WAS YOU THOUGH**

**I WAS DISSPOINTED IN HALLE BERRY/MADONNA/JESUS **

_CAN I TAKE YOUR FUCKING ORDER??_

**YEAH OK I'LL HAVE A STRAWBERRY DACORY WITH A FRESH SLICE OF LIME, EXTRA OLIVES AND DOUBLE THE VODKA **

KEATS THAT SHOULD BE A VIRGIN STRAWBERRY DACORY

**BUT THEN I WOULD BE LYING**

_YOU WHORE_

**NOT MY FAULT I'M A SEX ADDICT **

_YA IT KINDA IS _

**WHATEVER**

_WE DON'T SERVE OLIVES HERE IT'S ILLEGAL_

**FUCK I'LL HAVE TO GO TO TEXAS**

_AND THERE IS NO VODKA IN STRABERRY DACORIES_

**THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT BITCH **

_ANYWAYS i_miss_my_mom WHAT IS YOUR ORDER?_

MARGARITA PIZZA EXTRA OLIVES AND SOME ACID  
_WE DON'T SERVE FUCKING OLIVES IT'S FUCKING ILLEGAL FUCK FUCKING FUCKSHIT FUUUCKKKK _

OH SOR-RY MS. DOUBLE D

I'LL GET A CHEESE PIZZA

CAN I STILL GET THE ACID?

_YA SURE I'M ON SOME RIGHT NOW _

**TRIPPY **

_LEAVES_

_RETURNS_

_HERE IS YOUR ORDER BITCH_

**WHERE IS IT**

_RIGHT THERE_

**WHERE?**

_RIGHT FUCKING THERE_

**I DON'T FUCKING SEE ANYTHING**

NEITHER FUCK DO FUCKING I

FUCK

**ELLEN STOP SWEARING YOUR MOM WOULD BE A-FUCKING-SHAMED**

OH SORRY BITCH

**JOKES SHE'S DEAD BITCH**

NO SHE ISN'T

**YA**

NO

**YA**

NO

_ANYWAYS_

_WHERE'S MY TIP??_

**YOU DIDN'T GIVE US ANY FUCKING FOOD **

_YA IT'S RIGHT THERE_

**CRIES**

_**Iviprincess SCURRIES OVER**_

_**OH MY GOD ARE YOU SAD ARE YOU OKAY WHATS WRONG????**_

**YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?**

_**YES**_

**YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT TO KNOW?**

_**YES WHATS MAKING YOU SAD?**_

**YOUR FACE**

_**WHAT??????**_

_**WE ALL HAVE THE SAME FACE dude GOD FUCK YOU**_

_**Iviprincess is banned temporarily for life**_

**HAHA I'VE SAID WORSE THINGS AND NOT BEEN BANNED**

**IT MUST BE BECAUSE IM SEXAY **

OR BECAUSE SHE WAS BLACK

**THAT'S RACIST**

IT'S THE TRUTH

**MY MOM WAS BLACK**

OH SORRY DID I HURT YOU?

**DEEP**

SORRY SORRY FUCKING SORRY I AM FUXKITY FUCK SORRRYYY

**ITS OK I EMBRACE MY ETHNICICITY **

YOUR WHAT?

**YOU'RE A LESBIAN**

IM A BISEXUAL

**LETS GO TO THE HENGE**

IS THAT SOME SECRET PLACE IN CLUB PENGUIN???

**UMM NO. **

OH RIGHT

**hawt_reporter has signed out**

i_miss_my_mum has signed out


	4. WE WAIT FOR YOU LONG TIME

**BOLD UNDERLINE: FAERY LORD, deer head man thing**

rReguLARr: ellEN

**_renaldos font IS this 1 plz_**

_SUZETTE IS A LESBIAN - THIS FONT_

THIS FONT IS VWEE HEE HEE. I MEAN SCARECROWS.

LOLFACTCATS ME KOREA ME RITE GOOD YA? sorry if we made fun of your ethnicity or orientation or you are a war amp or a recovering alchoholic or you like Emilie Autumn or you are an anime fantard. we'll make fun of middle class whites eventually. we pretty much make fun of everyone so get used to it bitches.

Love Anonymous Person 7  
We don't own anything

**AH! CLOAK HO. WE WAIT FO YOU LONG TIME.**

**

* * *

**

BUT I JUST WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MY PAST........................

**YO WISH BE GRANTED YA. YOU WEAK. YOU PURGE MEMORIES. I DONT PURGE MEMORIES. I AM KOREAN.**

SWEET I LOVE RICE. BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

**MY PAIN AND SUFFERING DONT GO BYE BYE. YOURS DO. YOU NOT KOREAN. **

WAIT SO DO MY MEMORIES COME HERE?

**BAD MEMORIES COME HERE YA. THEY'ZE IS WHORES, THAT WHY THIS NO LONGER PLEASURE WORLD. ITS JUST HO WORLD. **

SO WAIT I HAVE TO FIGHT THESE BITCHES?

**IT WILL BE POSSIBLE WITH HELP OF DA FOLKS. TRUST IN CLOAK AND FIGHT.**

_**YOUR LORDSHIT!**__**THE FOLK SUMMINSUMMING HAS MATERIALIZED!**_

**THE TIME FOR YOU HAS COME YA. GO FORTH YA. RETRIEVE FOLK AND RETRIEVE LOST BITCH MRMS.**

THIS DOOR? WILL THIS LEAD TO ME SUZETTE'S MOM'S BABY DADDY? WALKS IN MYSTERIOUS SKETCHY DOOR OF MYSTERY.

**HOLLA!**

........I AIN'T NO HOLLABACK GIRL.........................................

**HEY. YOUZE A SWEETIE. CARE FOR SOME OFF-WHITE PASSIONFRUIT POMEGRANITE TASTY DELICIOUS TEA WITH WHIPPED CREAM, SPRINKLES AND maraschino CHERRIES**

OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT SHIT

**I KNOW RIGHT. BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU DRINK IT THOUGH. STARBUCKS MIGHT NAIL ME FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENTS LIKE THOSE DOUCHES ON YOUSUCKTUBE ALWAYS DO**

AT LEAST ITS DECREASING THE AMOUNT OF ANIME LOVE PARTY REMIXES

**THEY'RE ALWAYS MY RELATED VIDEOS I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! LIKE ONCE I GOT AN EVIAN BABIES COMMERCIAL. SCARRED FOR LIFE MAN.**

......that's not anime.... NOT THAT I KNOW WHAT THAT IS. GOD.I DONT WATCH NARUTO, OURAN HIGHSCHOOL HOST CLUB, FRUIT BASKET AND TOKYO MEW MEW IN MY SPARE TIME....

**HUH. I WOULDVE TAKEN YOU FOR A SAILOR MOON KINDA GAL. BUT ANYWAYS YOU CAME HERE TO SEE ME?**

UH NO. SORRY BUT I'M MORE INTO NECROPHILIA INSTEAD OF BEASTIALITY

**damn. THEN WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?**

WELL I HEARD I CAN SEE THE DEAD HERE?

**SO THATS WHERE THE NECROPHILIA COMES FROM. BUT YEAH, THIS ROOM CHANNELS THE DEDS MRMS HERE.**

BUT THIS LOOKS LIKE THE PUB

**IT MAY LOOK LIKE THAT TO YOU. BUT EVERYTHING YOU SEE HERE IS SELF PERCIEVED. YOU MUST'VE GONE TO THE PUB BEFORE COMING HERE......... ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC?**

WHAT? NO.... GOD.... WHAT..... GOD...... PSH..... I DONT EVEN WHAT ALCOHOL IS..... WHAT.... I'M NOT BEST FRIENDS WITH JACK DANIELS.......................................................

**WHOSE THAT?**

no one....................... I JUST HAPPENED TO BE AT THE PUB.

**OH. OH! THE MEMORY YOU EXTRACTED FROM THE FOLKLORE (THE ONE WE JUST KILLED THAT WE SKIPPED – BOSS BATTLE BITCHES).... WILL SOON MANIFEST AS A PERSON! HIS NAME IS RENALDO. I FUCKING LOVE THAT GUY. SADLY HE DIED 17 YEARS AGO. HE WAS MARRIED TO THIS CHICK NAMED REGINE. SHE WAS HOT. RAWR.**

ART THOU RENALDO.

_**SORRY BITCH I DONT SPEAK DOUCHE.**_

OH SORRY, I MEANT ARE YOU SUZETTE'S FATHER RENALDO?

_**YEP.**_

DO YOU KNOW ME? I'M ELLEN.

_**NO FUCKING CLUE WHO YOU ARE. **_

YOUR WIFE ASKED ME TO TALK TO YOU.

_**OH CRAP. SHES FOUND OUT ABOUT CANDY SUNSHINE ROSE. OHHH CRAP SHES GONNA BEAT ME**_

WAIT YOU WERE CHEATING ON HER WITH ANOTHER WOMAN???

_**actually it was a man.**_

WHAT?

_**WHAT? HMM SORRY**_

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

_**WHAT NOTHING....... ANYWAYS**_

I'M SURE SHE MUST'VE KNOWN ME IN THE PAST!

_**I TOLD YOU CANDY SUNSHINE ROSE WAS A MAN.**_

WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOUR WIFE

_**OH RIGHT. WE WERE ONLY IN THE VILLAGE FOR A SHORT TIME 17 YEARS AGO. THERE WERENT MANY CHILDREN IN THE VILLAGE BACK THEN. ONLY HERVE AND ONE OTHER**_

OH MY GOD. WHAT IS WITH THE NUMBER 17? IS LIKE FUCKING LOST.

_**4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHOW. HURLEY IS SUCH A HOTTIE.**_

WAIT HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHOW IF YOU'RE DEAD?

_**UMM THE NETHERWORLD HAS TV TOO. ITS CALLED TIVO.**_

OK. SO WHOSE THIS HERVE KID? I THINK I JUST VWEE HEE HEED HIM.

_**PARDON MY BUSINESS?**_

SORRY I'VE BEEN HANGING AROUND SCARECROW FOR TOO LONG. I MEANT BUMPED INTO HIM

_**YOU KNOW HERVE?!?!?%!?!!??!?!?!?!?!*?!?!??!!? OMG x 10. HE WAS MY BEBE. HE WAS MURDERED.**_

GOOD LORD-

_**OF THE RINGS**_

-...WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

_**THAT DAY THE LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER RYAN CAME TO OUR HOUSE....**_

OMG HE RAPED HIM DIDNT HE? DIDNT HE?! I JUST KNEW IT. HE HAD THAT WHOLE PEDOSMILE THING GOING ON.

_**NO. BUT HE TOLD MY BITCH AND I ABOUT THE AWFUL THING THAT HAPPENED AT THE CHURCH...**_

OMG STOP THE SUSPENSE ALREADY. MY IMAGINATION IS GOING WILD. RAPE? ABUSE? DRUGS? ALCOHOL? DRUGS AND ALCOHOL? I JUST DONT KNOW...

_**NO NOTHING LIKE THAT.**_

HE HAD TO WATCH TWILIGHT?

_**OH GOD NO, NOTHING THAT BAD. OH CRAP. TIMES UP. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU EVERYTHING....................BUT I CAN'T. GOTTA JET. MAKE SURE SUZETTE GETS MY LETTER**_

WHAT IS WITH THIS TIME LIMIT BUSINESS? FINE I'LL GIVE HER THE LETTER. WHERE IS IT?

_**YOU TELL ME. I'M DEAD BITCH. **_

OH FINE. THATS COOL TOO. FUCKING DEAD BITCH.

_**TURNS INTO BUG.**_

OHHHHHH MYYY GOD. OH MY GOD. OHMYGOD A BUG.

**THAT THING YOU WERE TALKING TO WAS A MNEMOSHIT. ITS A TYPE OF FOLKLORE THAT FEEDS ON MEMORIES. I KNOW ITS NASTY. BUT I'LL HOLD YOU IF YOU'RE SCARED.**

YOU HAVE NO LIMBS.......

**ITS CALLED WAR AMPS!**

_**BUG EXPLODES. FLASH PAN SHIT OF OF THEM ARE IMPORTANT. PLAY THE GAME YOURSELF IF YOU WANNA SEE IT. **_

WAS THAT REALLY SUZETTE'S FATHER?

WELL IT WAS AND IT WASN'T YOU KNOW?

NO. I DONT KNOW. I WAS NEVER GOOD AT THIS WHOLE RIDDLE SHIT. I DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY. THE ANSWER IS NOT INSIDE OF ME!

ELLEN, THE DEAD ARE DEAD!

NO SHIT....

ITS NOT LIKE THEY'RE ALIVE IN THE NETHERWORLD OR ANYTHING. BUT YOUR MRMS ARE WHAT MAKE YOU YOU ARN'T THEY? AND IF SOMEONE HAD YOUR MRMS, THEY'D BE YOU, YOU SEE?

NO.

GOD YOU ARE VWEE HEE HEE

WHAT?

RETARDED. KEEP OPENING DOORS TO THE REALMS AND TALK TO ALL KINDS OF DEAD PEOPLE!

OH JOY. DEAD PEOPLE. WAIT THERE ARE OTHER REALMS?

THAT'S RIGHT! THE DEEPER DOWN THE FAERY REALM IS ACTUALLY QUITE NEAR THE HUMAN WORLD

DEEPER DOWN? WHAT ARE WE DIGGING TO CHINA?

YOU NEED TO EARN THE RIGHT IF YOU WANT TO GO DEEPER. SO BASICALLY YOU'RE FUCKED.

WHY HOW DO I EARN IT?

BY BEING AWESOME. AND DEFEATING FOLKLORE.

AM I NOT AWESOME?

NO.

THANKS.. BUT I CAN DEFEAT FOLKLORE RIGHT?

YEAH I GUESS YOU CAN EARN IT THAT WAY TOO. KEATS IS JUST NATURALLY AWESOME SO YOU'LL GET BY WITH HIM. YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO THE VILLAGE FOR NOW.

YEAH I GOTTA GO SEE SUZETTE.

OH CRAP. DID YOU HEAR SHE TURNED LESBIAN?

OH CRAP. THAT IS A PROBLEM, I'M THE ONLY OTHER GIRL HER AGE IN THE VILLAGE! I SHOULD'VE KNOWN. I MEAN SHE DOES WEAR RIPPED JEANS.

YES THAT IS A PROBLEM. BUT WHATEVER. ITS NOT MY PROBLEM.

SCARECROW YOU NEED TO HELP ME!

WELL MAYBE YOU CAN LOOK UP SOME MUSIC SHE MIGHT LIKE?

UMM OK SURE. I DONT KNOW WHY THAT WOULD DO ANYTHING BUT WHATEVER.

WHIPS OUT LAPTOP. HERES ITUNES.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?

I DUNNO LOOK UP LESBIAN?

OK FINE. MILEY CYRUS IS A LESBIAN? I DONT THINK THIS IS GONNA HELP ME.. THANKS FOR THAT.

WHATEVS. OMG TRY EMILIE AUTUMN. JUST GO HOME BITCH.

SURE. WHATEVER THAT IS.

_DID YOU FIND OUT ANYTHING?_

BUT WOULD YOU TEAR MY CASTLE DOWN

STONE BY STONE

AND LET THE WIND RUN THROUGH MY WINDOWS

_WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?_

I'M TRYING TO SING LESBIAN MUSIC AT YOU SO YOU WONT COME ONTO ME

_.........OK?_

IS IT WORKING?

SOMETHING SOMETHING

BATTERED ROSES

_OK WOULD YOU JUST STOP WITH THE SONG?_

FINE. JUST DONT RAPE ME. DO LESBIANS SERIOUSLY ENJOY THIS SHIT?

_YEAH ITS SORTA SAD. I CONSIDERED BECOMING STRAIGHT AGAIN CAUSE OUR MUSIC IS SO BAD_

I FEEL FOR YOU.

_BITCH YOU'RE NOT SORRY. YOU CAN TAKE YOUR ALL AMERICAN REJECTS AND SUCK IT. I JUST WANT INFORMATION_

YOU FATHER WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU UP UNTIL HE DIED

_OH RIGHT. YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. BUT WHERES THE PROOF?!?_

I'M TALKING TO THE DEAD HERE. THATS ABOUT AS STRAIGHT OF AN ANSWER AS YOU'RE GONNA GET. JUST COME TO THE BEACH WITH ME. I THINK YOUR FATHER MIGHT HAVE LEFT SOMETHING THERE (LIKE A LETTER)

_NO, FORGET IT.... WHAT GOODS THAT GONNA DO?_

GOD YOU LESBIANS ARE ANNOYING. JUST COME WITH ME BITCH. ITS NOT LIKE YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO.

_YEAH I DO. THEY RELEASED A NEW CLUB PENGUIN AGENT MISSION I HAVENT COMPLETED YET._

OMG REALLY? I NEED TO SEE THAT. BUT I'LL GO LOOK AT THE BEACH FIRST. TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE POLAR BEAR AND CRAP. I'M SO CURIOUS

WELL I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING HERE AT THE BEACH. BETTER TRY AGAIN TOMORROW

SUZETTE?

_YOU SERIOUSLY ARE RETARDED. ITS OBVIOUSLY THAT THINGFLASHING RAINBOW SHIT. BUT YOU REALLY SHOULD STOP DIGGING UP OLD SKELETONS. IT'LL ONLY MAKE ME RESENT MY PARENTS_

THEY DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG YOU DOUCHE. JEEZ. AND THEY CALL ME RETARDED.

_THEN WHAT DID THEY DO? WHOA. THERES TOTES A LETT HERE THAT NO ONE HAS NOTICED FOR THE PAST 17 YEARS AND THAT HASNT BEEN WASHED AWAY BY THE SHORE._

_**DEAR REGINE, **_

_**SORRY I DIED, AND TELL SUZETTE WHO IS YET TO BE BORN, NOT TO BECOME A LESBIAN AND THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE MANY GRANDCHILDREN BUT MAKE SURE SHE DOESNT ADOPT SOME AFRICAN CHILD. **_

_THE WRITING.. ITS ALL SMUDGED. I CANT READ THIS I CAN MAKE OUT IS THE WORD LESBIAN. I DID YOU PROUD DADDY._

OH PLEASE. ITS PERFECTLY CLEAR. YOU WERE GONNA ADOPT AFRICAN BABIES WERENT YOU?

_PSH..... WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?_

YOUR FATHER CARED FOR YOUR FAMILY

_WHY DID MY FATHER DIE?_

THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW?

_YOU WANT TO FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR PAST? I UNDERSTAND. I WANTED TO KNOW TOO_

WHY DID YOUR MOTHER BRING ME HERE?

_MOTHER FOUND OUT ALL ABOUT YOU. SHE WAS KINDA A STALKER. SHE LAUGHED LIKE A MADWOMAN AND CAME TO THIS WAS MOTHER THINKING?_

OBVIOUSLY CRAZY CAT LADY IN THE MAKING.


End file.
